Joke of the day!

Nitewulf

New Member
Uhmn yeah.... I see a few major glitches in that idea.... namely, that close to the intake of a turbine in a confined space you would be afterburner fodder. Not to mention,(but I am) the amount of noise in the cabin would deafen you even with earplugs and muffs. Lastly, what does he plan to do if it starts raining, roll up the windows?
 

carphreak

New Member
Nitewulf said:
Uhmn yeah.... I see a few major glitches in that idea.... namely, that close to the intake of a turbine in a confined space you would be afterburner fodder. Not to mention,(but I am) the amount of noise in the cabin would deafen you even with earplugs and muffs. Lastly, what does he plan to do if it starts raining, roll up the windows?
as per the beetle's case, there is a pic where the intake is completely surrounded/covered by some kind of mesh. also, the beetle still has it's stock engine so the owner/builder can operate it as a regular vehicle. in fact from what i've read elsewhere, it is registered for road use.
 

balage

New Member
In II wwar the russian soldier stands guard on top of your strength.
Once only shouts down:
- Commander, the germans ones come!
- Friends, or enemies?
- Presumably friends, because they come together
 

Shift_Avenger

Active Member
WHY GOD MADE MOMS
Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:

Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.
What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.
Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's mom like me.
What kind of a little girl was your mom?
1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.
What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?
Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.
Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.
What's the difference between moms and dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friends.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.
What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.
 

OkieScot

New Member
An inexperienced preacher was conducting his first funeral. As solemnly as he knew how, while pointing to the body, he declared, "What we have here is only a shell. The nut is already gone."
 

Sandiegan05fronty

New Member
OkieScot said:
An inexperienced preacher was conducting his first funeral. As solemnly as he knew how, while pointing to the body, he declared, "What we have here is only a shell. The nut is already gone."

Short, sweet and funny! :smt023
 

balage

New Member
Maybe you know..


What is the "710 problem" in the service? :smt047

(the original version is with blonde lady, but of course i haven 't got problem with any lady of the world.. :smt001 )

So..what is the 710 problem?
 

balage

New Member
balage said:
Maybe you know..


What is the "710 problem" in the service? :smt047

(the original version is with blonde lady, but of course i haven 't got problem with any lady of the world.. :smt001 )

So..what is the 710 problem?
[attachment=0]
:smt025
 

Attachments

Shift_Avenger

Active Member
To the Guy Who Tried to Mug my lady friend and I in downtown Portland night before last.
Date: 2009-04-13, 3:43AM
I was the white guy with the brown Burberry jacket that you demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend as we were walking down the sidewalk minding our own business.
I'd like to apologize. I didn't expect you to crap in your pants when I
drew my pistol after handing you my jacket.
Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, remember, it wasn't that cold outside.
You see, my girlfriend had bought me that new Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it? My, what an enormous hole that barrel is, right?
I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, phone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again now could I?
I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell phone, and explaining to her your situation. I also
bought myself and four other people in the gas station this morning a
tank full of gas on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home
took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful.
I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet.
I threw the wallet in a fancy pink "pimp mobile" that was double parked at the curb after I broke the windshield and side window out. I also keyed the drivers side with a big "Happy Face".
I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. They'll be on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones.
Ma Bell just shut down the line, and I've only had the phone for a little
over a day now, so I don't know what's going on with that. I hope they
haven't permanently cut off your service.
I could only get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and
one to the FBI with it. The FBI guy was really pissed. We had had a long chat. (I guess while he traced the number).
I wiped my prints off the phone and tossed it through the 8 x 16 foot
plate glass window of the downtown ACLU office. I'm sure they'll get it back to you very quickly.
I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead, making you
walk back home humiliated..
I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time
you might not be so lucky.
P.S. Remember this motto....... an armed society is a polite society!
 
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