Joke of the day!

Shift_Avenger

Active Member
balage said:
http://rutube.ru/tracks/710864.html?v=15ff2314adfff7be8d1c7f2c9a823e9f

:smt003 VAZ2107 or 2105 who knows?? ....my fater had one in the '90s. I learnt to drive with that. :smt005 It's just a joke cause it was a really frugal mule with brutal heater, and perfect starter (siberia was the marketplace :smt003 )

oh 2107 I see now. It was the king!!! with 1,5 liter engine! :smt002
LOL that was great. My mom had a 1975 escort that would probably do that by now
 

carphreak

New Member
All the Same

A Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and sees Steven Spielberg. As he is a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him and asks for his autograph. Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbour, get outta here. The astonished Chinese man replies, But it was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour, it was the Japanese! Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same, replies Spielberg. In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, You sank the Titanic; my forefathers were on that ship. Shocked, Spielberg replies, It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me. The Chinese replies, Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same!
 

carphreak

New Member
take it off

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was determined to keep the ranch, so she placed an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand. Three cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other two were drunks. She soon decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around. He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.

So one day, the widow told him, You've done a really good job. You should go into town and kick up your heels.

The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night. He returned at around 2:30AM.
Upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine.

She quietly called him over to her:
Unbutton my blouse and take it off, she said. Trembling, he did as she directed.
Now take off my boots. He did, ever so slowly.
Now take off my socks. He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
Now take off my skirt. He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the firelight.
Now take off my bra. She then looked at him and said,












If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired!​
 

carphreak

New Member
first one of the year? ok

Nursing Home Entertainment

Every night after dinner, Harold
goes to a secluded garden behind the Center
to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long
life.

One evening, Mildred, age 87, wanders into the
garden.

They begin to chat and before they know
it, several hours have passed.


After a short lull in their conversation, Harold
turns to Mildred and asks, 'Do you know what I
miss most of all?'

She asks, 'What?'

'Sex!!' he replies

Mildred exclaims, 'Why you old fart.



You
couldn't get it up if I held a gun to your
head!'

'I know,' Harold says, 'but it would be nice if
a woman could just hold it for a while.



'Well, I can oblige,' says Mildred, who unzips
his trousers, removes his manhood and proceeds
to hold it.





Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each
night in the garden where they would sit and
talk and Mildred would hold Harold's manhood.





Then one night Harold didn't show up at their
usual meeting place.



Alarmed, Mildred decided
to find Harold and make sure he was O.K.





She walked around the Senior Citizen Home where
she found him sitting by the pool with Ethel,
another female resident, who was holding Harold's
manhood!

Furious, Mildred yelled, 'You two-timing son
of a bcith! What does Ethel have that I don't
have?'

Old Harold smiled happily and replied,
'Parkinson's.​
 

carphreak

New Member
slow stop

A lawyer beats a traffic stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy. He thinks he is smarter than the deputy because he has a better education. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the deputy's expense.

License and registration, please, the deputy says.

What for? he asks.

The Deputy answers, You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign.

I slowed down, and no one was coming, he says.

You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration, please.

What's the difference? the lawyer asks

The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!

He says, If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket, if not you let me go and no ticket.

The deputy says, Exit your vehicle, sir.

At this point, the deputy takes off his gloves, starts slapping the lawyer and says,


Do you want me to stop or just slow down?
 
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